Twinnies Journey…

As soon as that pregnancy test was positive we were stoked! It felt like we had waited so long for this! Bloods came back and confirmed it was most certainly a positive and my hcg levels were quite high. I had people joke oh maybe its cause its twins but I just brushed it off laughing. It couldnt be because we only transfered one embryo, right? I was loving being pregnant again. Rubbing my belly knowing I was growing a life in there, not knowing it was actual two ✌️ At 7 weeks we had our first dating scan done. I remember it so clearly. Justin, Adelyn and myself were in the room nervously waiting to see that little flicker of a heartbeat… The sonogragher was quiet a moment and said “well guys…” and at that moment I just knew she was going to say it was twins! We were in such shock! Never in a million years did we expect the perfect little embryo we had transferred two weeks prior, to split into two. We were speechless! I sat there crying my eyes out with so many emotions flooding in. It was such an overwhelming moment. After the scan we sat in the car and cried with joy and nervousness. Was this really happening? Were we going to have two babies in less then 8 months?

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We decided to go under the private obstetrician we went with for Adelyn and started our routinely visits from 12 weeks. I thought sweet, my body has done this before and its pretty strong so I’ll be ok carrying two. How things changed. At our 16 week scan their was a difference in the babies sizes (weren’t sure 100 percent on the sex then)  so the Dr called Kemh and referred us there to be checked. In any pregnancy there is risks but a twin pregnancy it increases  So off to Kemh we went. Nervous wrecks we met with the Gold team and the most amazing Obstetrician. She sat us down and was blunt with us. We needed fortnightly monitoring and I was told to stop doing anything which could take blood away from my placenta, this included training. I left that day devastated. Training was my life! It was my outlet in all of this, the one thing I could do to take my mind off things. Each scan we would sit nervously in the waiting rooms, praying both girls would still have heartbeats and were still growing. Scan by scan the difference in size got bigger and bigger, up to 55 % growth discordance at one stage. Twin 2, Riley, wasnt growing and her cord flow was absent. She wasnt able to get enough nutrients through her cord to grow big and strong like Hanna. At 22 weeks we went to weekly scans then twice weekly to keep an eye on Riley. I was pretty much on light duties at work at this stage and had to give up my PT clients so I could rest. We had a talk with one of the top paediatricians in the state about the likely hood of survival for our girls. It was the hardest thing ever to hear you may loose one or both of your babies. Especially if they were born around 400g or before 26 weeks. They were aiming to get us to 28 weeks if they could but Riley had other ideas. Her cord flow at 25 weeks went to reverse absent diastolic flow, she was sending all her blood to her brain and heart to keep herself alive. Her movements got less and it was time to decide what we were going to do. Hubby abd I always said we wanted to give both girls a chance at survival and this is what we did. The Friday and Saturday before the girls were born I got the steriod injections to help their lungs incase the following week was the week to deliver. The scan on that Tuesday I’ll never forget, Riley was very quiet that day and the Dr monitored her for a good while then said “todays the day”.

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The 13th February was the scariest day of my life. I was about to meet my girls who werent meant to be here for another 14 weeks. At 25 weeks and 6 days I delivered the twins via c section. Adelyns C section was a breeze in comparison. Firstly I was left on permanent monitoring and set up on a drip of magnesium to try and protect their brains. This stuff was horrible! You could literally taste it and it made me so hot!  I was wheeled upstairs and the aesthetician popped in the epidural, with a mixture of epidural and a spinal block. I remember it taking what felt like ages to be numb, laying on the surgery table with about 20 people in the room. With Adelyn I felt nothing, absolutely nothing. With the twins there was so much pulling and movements my body couldn’t take it and I started to panic. There I was laying vulnerable on the table having a panic attack. I didnt even want to see the babies after they were born. The best moment though was hearing both girls faintly cry / squeak. They were here and alive for now! Because I was in such a state of panic I didn’t want hubby to leave my side, as the girls were whisked off to Nicu, I was sewn up. This took forever … I needed to move. Even more anxiety kicked in. I only started to feel ok once I was in recovery with my midwife. What an ordeal my body had just been through.

Riley has always been cheeky from the start. She actually got a better apgar score then Hanna born! She decided she didn’t like being intubated and pulled her tube out on the way to nicu! They decided to give her a go on Cpap instead, but after a little while her tiny lungs got tired and needed more support. I didnt see the girls till later that day. I was so scared to see how little they were going to be. I was wheeled to Hanna first and thought wow she is small (930g) but ok I can deal with this but when I saw Riley (515g) I lost it crying. She was the most delicate thing I had ever seen. I felt overwhelming guilt that my body didn’t do what it was meant to and protect and provide for her.

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We received our first phone call that night saying Riley had to be swapped over to the jet ventilator, a more gentle vibration for her lungs then the typical intubation. Those 3 days in hospital were rough. I was trying to rest and heal and visiting the girls as much as I could but being on the maternity ward sucked. I could hear all those other mums and babies together in their rooms. That should of been me. 💕

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